Back and Better

Some of you may notice, about 1 or 2 of you that is, that the blog has now changed dramatically. Now before you go off into the wilderness screaming, "Ahh this is just like Facebook's changes! He's gone mad with power!" Take a deep breath, hypothetical crazy person. Don't worry. I have no power to go mad off of. I have simply remodeled the blog to be more focused, instead of a random hodgepodge of posts.

The blog will now be more focused on writing. I will be showcasing some of my pieces but more importantly, I will be showcasing those of others, including you. So feel free to put one of your pieces in the comments, or post a link to it in the comments, or email them to write-with-me@hotmail.com

I will feature great pieces weekly, with enough submissions, and guarantee every month to showcase great pieces. All credit will be given to you as a writer. I look forward to writing with you in the future.

That Awkward Moment When

So I'm pretty much an expert when it comes to awkward moments. You could say my life is a series of awkward moments but it's far more truthful to say my life is awkward with occasional normal moments. So I decided I'd blog on those awkward moments that happen to me and awkward people around the world. Dont you just hate that awkward moment when:

• You're using the toilet and someone messages you "Hey, what are you doing?"
• You're singing along to the loud music playing in a public place and then you find out that the music you're listening to is from your iPod. For bonus awkward points: It's coming from your Zune
• You're going one way on a path and someone is going the other and you keep going the same direction like you're dancing, so you stab them.
• You're dancing with someone so badly that it looks like you're going in opposite directions and you keep going the same way, so they stab you.
• A dog actually eats your homework and you have to come up with an excuse that doesn't sound like it's from a kindergartner, which you tell your teacher and she doesn't believe you so you stab her.
• You stab someone and they don't die and they go to the police so you go to jail.
• You're in a jail and you drop the soap but you don't pick it up because you're gay and you're playing hard to get but no one in the prison cares about your gay ass.
• In your blog you bring up gay issues in prison and people think you're gay when you're not.
• You have to explain yourself about whether or not you're gay in your blog of purely hypothetical awkward situations that was intended to be humorous.
• These awkward moments become too awkward even for me.

Or is it just me?

Got an awkward moment, leave it in the comments.

Wake up and smell the manure

Lately I've been noticing the bullshit that people tell you to cheer others up in some way or another. I'm gonna be frank with you now (even though the name Frank doesn't suit me). I know I haven't had a very long life and that there's more experiences to come but there are some things that I've seen with my own eyes, and heard other people tell me what they've seen with their own eyes. I've compiled a list of 8 truths that I have witnessed in some way in today's world. So now it's time for the truth, and it stinks.


      1. The world is NOT a small place. In fact it's a huge-ass place that you will never see in it's entirety. There are people you will never meet. So the next time you see someone who happens to be the daughter of the cousin of your first grade crush and think how the world must be so small, just realize that this meeting could have been a meeting with someone who you've never known, who no one you've ever known has ever know, and who you never would have known, but instead you bump into someone who you relate with your existing personal life, but frankly couldn't care less about you.

      2. 500 "Friends"= 0 meaning. So you have 500 friends on Facebook, let me tell you one thing: That means nothing. Half of those "friends" you have on whatever social network wouldn't even care if your dog died tomorrow, or if your mom git sick, let alone would actually want to meet with you and have dinner (acquaintances have lunch together, friends meet for dinner.) Your friendships on those social networks is purely superficial, you probably just added some people you thought looked cute, or because they know someone who you want to meet. And that's OKAY, in fact superficial networking is almost necessary in today's society, but make sure to have a group, or even one or two, truly meaningful friendships.

      3. People are stupid. I have no problem with stupidity though, it keeps things interesting. What I do have a problem with is people saying stupid shit, either on the internet or in real life, claiming it to be fact. Then what makes me even more aggravated is the brainless herd of people who will believe what this person is saying. People will spew rubbish incessantly, it's up to you to not blindly follow.

      4.  Every cloud has a silver lining, but sometimes that silver lining is hidden by another cloud. I've always been told to "look on the bright side" of every situation, and believe me I try my hardest. But sometimes, life doesn't just send you a cloud, it gives you a thunderstorm, where the silver lining of the whole system is far outside your perception. But as Vivian Greene said: "Life's not about waiting for the storms to pass...It's about learning to dance in the rain." 

      5. Negative energy is like an airborne disease. It passes freely from one person to any person within range. Positive energy is more like a sexually transmitted disease. Sure it passes from one person to the next, but the two persons have to be REALLY close for it to happen.

      6. Change happens, but usually when you don't want it to. You could be stuck in the doldrums of life for a painstakingly long time before any change happens, but if it's all smooth sailing and everything is fine and dandy, brace yourself for a huge change.

      7. You normally get less than is promised. For example, I promised you 8 truths, you're only getting 7. Well, that's life.

So that's all I have to say about this topic, for now at least. I hate to be a Debbie Downer though (because the name Debbie doesn't fit me either, I'd probably prefer Frank) so maybe for my next blog I'll post some funny pictures. I know the internet loves some funny pictures, maybe there will even be some cat pictures too.

--If you enjoyed this post or have any ideas for future posts, leave a comment. I'm open to all suggestions. Thanks for reading--

50 Questions

So my dad turned 50 this weekend, which is why I haven't been able to blog recently. So in honor of this milestone I compiled a list of 50 questions I'd like to know the answer to. Here we go:

1. Would a child be afraid to confess to his/her gay parents that they're straight?
2. Why are smartphones making us stupider?
3. Do infomercials really think people talk/act like that?
4. What color is the inside of your eyelids?
5. Who came up with the word 'word' and how?
6. How did kids all around the world play 'the floor is lava' game or some variant without telling each other?
7. Did everyone just complain about Facebook's changes and a few weeks later pretend like nothing happened?
8. Would woodchucks be ashamed if they could chuck wood but they couldn't chuck as much wood as a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
9. How many times did you re-read that last question?
10. Is there intelligent life out in space
11. Is there intelligent life ON EARTH?
12. Like how there are the eighties and the nineties, what did we just call that decade? (The zeroes?)
13. If you plan to fail, and succeed, what the fuck are you doing with your life?
14. How do people say someone looks like a name (eg. "You look like a Brian.")? How can a person look like a name?
15. Are you bored of these questions yet? (Too bad.)
16. If you had hands where your feet are, and feet where your hands are, would you walk on your hands or your feet?
17. How the fuck can a house burn UP as it burns DOWN? (Stupid English.)
18. If you were immortal, would a lifetime warranty last forever?
19. Lady Gaga, WTF!?
20. When people use hashtags on Facebook, do they realize how much of a douche they look like?
21. Can you just bend the silence really far instead of breaking it?
22. What if the Geico gecko got run over by a car (that was insured by Geico)?
23. Doctor Who? (for all the Whovians out there)
24. What age is 'old age'?
25. Why are all the Miss Universe contestants from Earth?
26. Do humans just half die for 8 hours everyday when we sleep?
27. Why do we call it 'Friday night' instead of 'Frinight'?
28. Why do we call it 'Sunday night' instead of 'Oh fuck, it's Monday tomorrow and I have to get up and go to school/work-night'?
29. When is gonna be the new doomsday when the world doesn't end in 2012?
30. Why doesn't life have a soundtrack?
31. Why do people say they're afraid of heights when they're really afraid of falling from high places?
32. Can 'The Flash' satisfy a woman in bed? (Think about it.)
33. Do you now have an image of 'The Flash' having super-speedy sex, costume and all?
34. Do you believe in sublimin-follow my blog-al messages?
35. Why do people in scary movies go TOWARDS the scary sound in the dark woods by themselves instead of in the opposite direction?
36. Don't you just hate conversations that go like: "Hey" "Hey, what's up" "Nothing much, you?" "Same"
37. What the fuck goes on in the world some days?
38. Why is it that the people who aren't getting any are the ones who talk the most about sex?
39. Why is Dora so lazy? She could just turn around by 180 fucking degrees and figure a lot of shit out instead of asking us everything.
40. Why is yawning contagious?
41. Why is it always a sex scene that comes on when watching a movie and your parents walk in?
42. What is the meaning of life? (I know, not very original.)
43. Why do girls generalize about guys after meeting ONE lousy asshole?
44. Why are all the good guys still stuck in the friend zone?
45. If you steal a dog, would that make you a cat-dog burglar?
46. Why is everything about me?
47. AM I the only one who finds 'Did you know' facts annoying?
48. Got milk?
49. Why don't you follow this blog? You can even do it by email.
50. Have a question of your own, or answers to any of the questions above? Post it in the comments.

Why It's Okay to Procrastinate

At the end of my previous post I mentioned that I'm a bit of a procrastinator. Now that has gotten me into trouble with people like teachers, parents, blah blah. I'm not here to preach to you the dangers of procrastination. I'm here to tell you why it's okay. So don't put off reading this any longer.

**Disclaimer: I am in no way responsible for any lost jobs, broken relationships, or lack of work done due to the content of this blog post**

Firstly, If you do everything today what will you have to do tomorrow? This is the primary reason for procrastination. Let's say you have a simple to-do list: Buy groceries, go to the bank, and be awesome. Let's say you do all three in one day like an un-procrastinator, what's going to happen tomorrow? Short answer: You're gonna suck tomorrow. You already completed being awesome, so now you're totally not awesome. But let's say you started being awesome today and like a good procrastinator you put it off until tomorrow. Tomorrow you're gonna continue being awesome, meet the love of your life, and have awesome children and ride off into the sunset on golden unicorns, all because you procrastinated. Well done.

Secondly, Procrastination makes you look busy so you don't have to talk to those "organized" losers. In relation to the previous point, procrastination will have you so busy doing amazing things (or at least you'll look busy doing almost amazing things) that all those weirdos who completed their life in a few days won't have time to weigh you down with their now absolutely boring, non-procrastinated, lifestyle. So now you can focus on your procrastinating without the frivolities of a social life.

Finally, you'll have so much more time as a procrastinator. Lots of things to do? big exam on the weekend? Just procrastinate. Then magically, you'll have so much free time. "But Brian, procrastinating just puts something off to later, eventually you'll be swamped with tons of stuff piled on top of each other to do in the end, right?" you ask. Good point, loser. I'll answer that...later.

Always remember, procrastination is a skill, so go out and master it.

Introduction

The new best blog on the internet is here. Starting on November 1, 2011, blogging has a new face. YOU! (but mostly me.) This blog will contain interesting world views, humorous articles, important questions and almost zero politics (because the only people who like politics are politicians, and they're paid to do that.) So sit back, relax, and eavesdrop on this conversation between myself and I. the future of blogging starts NOW! or maybe tomorrow, I'm a bit of a procrastinator.

EDIT: This is the working icon/ image thingy for the blog: